ang sagut nmen ni maica: NAMAN, PADI. SYEMPRE. adik ka ba?

…

iba pala talaga mg-icp ang lalake at babae,anu? ang weird lang, kasi parang simpleng bagay, hirap na hirap tau mag-isip na mga girls, tpus sa boys, no-brainer lang pala sya..

just goes to show how we girls can be so over-analyzing, when in fact some things are better not thought of/about very much. that sometimes we just have to let things unfold in their own way. take one step and then face the consequences, though consequences don’t always seem as hard. they’re even trivial, most of the time.

so un, naisip at nai-share ku lang. lesson learned: go with the flow. to hell with later, tomorrow or the next week, because you may not even have it.

 love this. love now.

-ka.waiii

1. i’ve never had a boyfriend in my entire life of 20 summers. there have been some who came close, but never a man who could full-fledgedly call me his girl, the romantic way.

2. i’m a self-confessed internet addict. hello, who would care to maintain a blog kung hndi sya internet addict. right?

3. i’m super childish. i marvel at the sight of chocolate and the littlest things make me happy, like hello panda, ice cream and traveling.

4. i’m more comfortable using English than using Tagalog. in my whole elementary and highschool life, i was in danger of failing Filipino more than Math or Science.

5. i’ve been a cheerleader. nayaya aku ng friend ku na magjoin sa squad some time last year and i obliged, pero i’ve stopped na rin due to some circumstances.

6. i’ve been traveling a lot. i find it interesting to go to different places in and out of the country lately dahil sa dami ng stress sa paligid.

7. *#7 na agad???haha* i don’t look like either of my nanay or tatay. my sister does, though, but they say i do look like my younger sister. weird, no?

8. i’ve been dancing for the better half of my life. my involvements sometimes require me to dance, and i dont know why. like when i joined the Comelec of my HighSchool, nung induction ng officers, we were asked to dance pa rin. parang hinahabol aku.

9. i’m a frustrated musician and athlete. i can play the guitar and the bass guitar (thanks to my teachers who are so very patient with me) now, i also know how to read notes on the piano pieces, and i play volleyball, table tennis and archery *the three PE classes i took in UPLB* competitively. but i’d still want to have something i can be an expert in.

10. *sa wakas* suplada aku sa personal. hndi sa nagmamaganda, i’m just really shy to approach people. maybe if you meet me, you’d be surprised because though i get to deal with other people a lot, i just remain mum in one corner when exposed to a new environment. i’m afraid people would think i’m feeling close, so saka nlng aku mag-oopen up pag close na talaga kme.

so there. whew.

-ka.waiii

 just in case you might read this, i really do love you for your talent, but there are some points in your response to Beyonce’s if i were a boy  (d mu alam?eto, click mu to: bidyo) that i cannot miss reacting to..here’s some of them:

“…but you’re not a boy, so you don’t have a clue, how i work and pay the bills, girl, everything i do is for you”

yjeen says: you see, it’s like this. it’s a modern world we’re living in now and girls get a hand at paying the bills and doing house work as much as you men do.

“..but you’re not a boy so you can’t understand, you are not a perfect woman, and i am not a perfect man..”

yjeen says: kelan pa naging gender-sensitive ang pag-intindi that we are all imperfecT??? duh.

so there. just thought you should know.

-ka.waiii

for one, its not JUST my story to tell. there are three sides of this story, mine being the one with all the confusion, sadly.

there’s he, and then there’s me. but he is still looking somewhere else and isnt seemingly keen on having just me around.

*ka-waii stares blankly at the screen*

it hurt and it hurts, still, so much, so me has no choice but to maybe let go, but me isnt too sure about letting he go because after all the pain, its been so many years into the pseudo-relationship and it’s been to beautiful to just throw away.

and then there i was, and there was someone else. someone else made i feel like i was the only one on the planet to love, but that so doesnt mean someone else only likes i. someone else likes a lot of other people too, but claims to love only i. i loves the feeling, but isnt too sure about it. someone else always has those sweet words i would love to hear from he, but he has those words for another girl.

the world turns slower when i talk to someone else.

but the world stops when he’s with me.

should i love someone else when he’s just hurting me?

-ka-waiii

i dont think i have to go blow by blow on what the referendum is all about. the important fact is that we were asked if we would allow the Office of the Student Regent to be abolished. the Student Regent is the students’ voice in University Matters, so we can voice out our concerns regarding how we want things to be done in the University. it’s just that i have a simple frustration about the matter, the students, student organizations and the fact that we’re dealing with this only for our own benefits.

i remember the plebiscite done last sem, when we only had one and a half days to vote for the ratification of the constitution, the students were united in one answer. we wanted a yes. it was crystal clear. we had it.

in relation to this referendum, students are divided. ang hirap tuloy mag-decide kung alin ang ‘tamang’ vote, though i don’t clearly see an absolutely right answer. it’s difficult to make a move, any move at that point, because you hear opposing views, left and right, from fellow students. we are usually one in this. usually.

or maybe, we used to be. during the August plebiscite, the studentry is one in battling against the NO vote of the administration, or seemingly, everyone but the students. but now, i don’t know which way to go. if i give a yes, i’m letting the flawed SR guidelines take effect. if i give a no, i’m one in abolishing the OSR, which, as the ‘NO’ supporters say, will never be the case.

but since all is said and done, i can only hope for the best. and hope that in the future, we students get that united post, once again and forever.

going back, well, it has been a sabog day and i hope it’ll stop there, 5pm today.  i’ll start the story at 6:30am today. it was only then that i got to rest from 9am yesterday, because i wanted to help out cai and toto-ish and mon as they prepare for inSOMAnia, a cosplay-concert-party this coming saturday at the Seniors’ Social garden, UPLB Campus, Los Banos, Laguna at 3-10pm. i wouldnt be able to physically join them there, so i thought i could do some help while preparing, since, well, they’re some of the people i love here in CEC.. =) so there, i painted cai‘s armor and put paint on my hands and arms in the process. how sabog is that?? haha

after going to my room at 6:30am to sleep, this little monster kier went to me at 12noon. i was half-awake and already talking to my roommates when he came in and asked me to eat lunch with him. along the way, we saw kenneth and so we ate lunch together.

it was actually minor damage from that time up until my class at 3pm. i was extremely groggy in class and i couldn’t understand anything. but in fairness, i’ve already solved some of the problems discussed, so i was a little ahead of the pack. but when when the professor introduced a new topic, i was not able to digest any one of the words he spoke. now that’s sabog. tsktsk

after class, i remembered i had to vote for the SR referendum, since we were told the night before that the voters’ turnout was only 30% in UPLB and17% system-wide when we needed to reach 50% + 1. so i went to the booth in MB and voted. to add to the fact that i cannot absorb anything in class, neither can i absorb the mechanics given to me by the USC Volunteer manning the booth. (sorry ate. –, ;; )  she had to explain to me what i should do, three freaking times, before i got to pull myself through the voting. actually, she had to help me out herself (ate, peram po ng ID nio. yan po, dito. yan, tapus un pong may thumbmark,dito nman.) thanks to her for being ever-so-patient with me even for just a couple of minutes of her day.

after voting and feeling good about making a contribution to the University, (my vote’s confidential.hihi) i went to KFC to get some PM snack. i got a burger and some fries and decided afterwards to go around the kikay stores sa grove.

but i can no longer control my antok. i decided to go back to my dorm after 10minutes of going around. when i was on my way, i was handed by a Buklod Volunteer a few handouts about the SR Referendum. then i remembered: i freakin’ left my freakin’ ID kay ate sa MB! mamon! sabog-ness strikes again! so i had to go back to MB and get my ID. luckily, ate remembered me (hopefully not because i was so difficult to deal with, but i can’t blame her.) and asked for my name and then handed me my ID. when i was on my way back to CEC, trudging through the Dirty Road, i hit my head on a branch of tree. i honestly don’t know where that st*p*d branch came from (a tree, most probably) and i so can’t understand how i missed seeing that. come on. not now that i will be walking past three people who saw what happened to me, and am walking ahead of two more students who also saw what happened, and i would gladly bet all my twenty fingers on that. i laughed my head off (another reason to be laughed at) after what happened and realized i needed to sleep. BADLY.

when i arrived in CEC, i spent 15 minutes with maica and toto-ish who just came in, and told my story and they couldn’t have agreed more: I NEEDED SLEEP.

so after taking my facial gunk off, i bid my roommate goodnight (at 5:00PM) and dozed off.

-ka.waiii

and as i have promised, happier posts from then on..tama sila, i was just venting out my hurt. i had to let it out or else, bka kung anu mngyari skn..

here’s but a futile attempt to seem happy, if not happier now..

we met in su jeong, ryan is his English nickname, and he’s from Seoul, South Korea, just last January 23, 2009 at around 1:00 in the morning. we absolutely don’t know why we were in such a mood at that time of day, but we aren’t blaming nature for the incident. we’re glad we met him. though we bothered him, we hope he’s glad, too. apparently, we only had 8 hours to be friends. at 9:00 that day, he and his friends will be going back to Korea. they only stayed in our dormitory overnight to catch their flight on January 24, midnight.

Ryan is a Bio-Resource Systems Engineering Major. he has not been under a formal English Language Learning Program, though he had an English tutor while they stayed in Nueva Ecija three weeks ago. he’s constantly ranting about how the Korean culture is conservative among other things, but he loves his country. we are very much amazed at how he can keep up with the conversation with us Filipinos in a place where compensate, render, indicate and the likes are everyday words.

i have been staying in a dormitory which houses Korean students who study English for about 14 months already. i’ve grasped a bit of their culture, and as i interact with them, i’m hoping i get to rub some Filipinism in them. some of my old roommates, friends, as i would refer to call them, try really hard to keep in touch.

in our world where everything’s laid to our feet, knowing someone who lives a different kind of life keeps me grounded. it’s a breath of fresh air to know that some things aren’t learned best through the internet. but a bit of disclaimer: i only know a bit, i still cannot fully comprehend their culture. though i speak a little Hanggul, i’m not competent enough to converse in their vernacular.

the Korean culture is very much the same as the Filipino culture. they also have a “conyo” concept, that’s why they think a person is weird if he/she speaks English on the streets. we share almost the same Western influences on food and festivities. and since Seoul is very much like Manila (being the metro of the country), there are also “prom-di’s” or those from the provinces. they have different accents in a way very much like how we have different dialects here.

it is indeed colorful.

they come here in the Philippines to study because its much cheaper here than if you study in Canada or in the US, that’s true, but what keeps them coming even more is the Filipino hospitality.

so the next time na you see a Korean, don’t just think of them as someone who’s slowly invading our Shores. think of them as brothers and sisters and friends. you’d be surprised at how nice they can be, and at how they would be very much grateful by the helping hand you offer.

and yah, he’s gwapo. =)

*and in case he reads this: bogo shipulkoya oppa..jinzza bogo shipulkoya~ pali wa!

(i will miss you, older brother, i will really miss you~ come back soon!)

-kawaiii

flashback to about 5 years ago, upon receiving the UPCAT notice of, well, me passing. i hesitated entering UP, coz, well, it’s hell in there. pero sabi ni nanay she prayed for it. merely to appease her, i took on the challenge and forgot about taking my feasible dream course in UE: Economics. i wanted to take up Bio, but the idea that if i don’t get a Ph.D in it, i would only end up teaching, i gave up on that. interior design, i gave up on that too. History, that one too. Philosophy, well, i was still considering and un-considering it that time, coz i’m afraid to shake my faith. (but given the chance now, i’d take it 110%) i took up the challenge that UP has brought to my feet: FOOD TECHNOLOGY. needless to say, i gave it all up. and i think i made a good decision. or so i thought.

summer 2006, when all the world is ganging up on me and putting to my territory all kinds of stress and inflicting me with all wounds possible, i decided to tell nanay i’m fed up.  with a couple of failed subjects in the last two years in the University, i tried to tell her how much i’m suffering. i wanted to shift. i wanted to transfer. i wanted to get my life back. i know she’d say i’m duwag for not standing the torture. but still. i’m fed up.

pagdating sa bahay, i started it with tears. aun, i got nanay‘s attention. to cut the long story short, i stated my case, but to no avail. i’m not transferring, nor am i shifting. i’m getting that diploma. i can study naman any course i like after graduating, di ba? with a couple of sentences or so, i dropped my argument and conceded. argh.

two years later, my cousin klenz got his notice to the University. he passed the UPCAT and had a slot waiting for him in the Agribusiness program. he let go of the slot and pursued his dream in the Lyceum of the Philippines, taking up Tourism. he received a lot of cricitisms from his mother, my mother and everyone else in the close family. he stuck to his decision and is living a happy life now.

just last weekend, keem turned 18 and talked to my mother about not being happy in her course now. she said HRM is boring her. she wanted to take up Psychology in her alma mater’s sister school, The Philippine Normal University. she’s been talking about it for a year now, but since she entered Sophomore year, we never heard anything about it anymore, we thought it was already down the drain. but the thing is, she stood up to her decision even in silence. she took a semester trying to find something good out of it, but she can’t, apparently, anymore. that’s why she brought it up last week. pinayagan siya ni nanay.

while i was having breakfast last Monday, nanay told me about her decision regarding keem’s shifting and possibly, transferring. out of nowhere, tears spilled from my eyes. nanay said though she tried to convince keem na wag na magtransfer dahil mrami ng na-invest at nagastos, she can’t stop keem from her decision. “pnu ku nman hindi papayagan eh kahit tumuloy siya, hndi nman sya masaya, di ba?eh di pinayagan ko na. mahirap nman patuluyin ko sya sa course na hindi nman sya magiging masaya in the end.” my tears spilled even more involuntarily. bket skn hndi nia naisip yun?then she had a lot to say. she said UP will bring me good in the end, that i’ve been a better person because of the path i took. but those words didn’t touch a single nerve in me. they didn’t mean anything. but i don’t blame nanay.

i blame me. bket hndi ko ngawang pangatawanan ung mga naging decision ko?keem and klenz had it their way. they’re happy. crap.

———

i trust nanay. i’ll just have to keep fighting and someday, i’ll get it right. i’ll just have to trust myself on that.

-ka-waiii

catch you next time.

this needs more promotion pa eh.. =)